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   "Jordan! Jordan!" his mother yelled from the living room.
   "What is it Ma?" he said with a sigh.
   "Your car! It's parked too near my roses!" she screeched.
   Jordan reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose.
   "Don't mind her." his father said, reaching over to give his son a comforting pat, "She spent twenty minutes this morning nagging me for crookedly hanging the bathroom towel."
   Jordan smiled softly. It was always the same when he came to visit his parents. Well, when he came to visit his father. His mother was just an irritating part of the package. He never could figure out how his father had managed to stay married to the woman for the past forty odd years.
   "Jordan." his mother said sternly, hobbling into the kitchen, her cane violently stabbing at the floor.
   "Yes, Ma?"
   "Are you going to go move your car or not?"
   "Err I-
   "I think," his father interrupted, "that his car will be alright where it is for today, Gladis."
   Gladis eyed his father sternly for a moment, but then turned back to him.
   "Jordy," she said in a suddenly sweet voice, "I was at the grocery store yesterday and you won't guess who I saw!"
   Jordan knew by her tone of voice that this wasn't going to be pleasant.
   "Who, Ma?"
   "Why, that darling Loretta!"
   He suppressed a groan, glancing over at his father in supplication to stop this before it went too far. Loretta was his ex-wife, and his mother had never quite accepted the fact that Jordan wanted absolutely nothing to do with the woman anymore.
   "She looks so good these days! I asked her how she was doing, she said quite well but she's been a tad lonely. Isn't that sad?" she said expectantly.
   "Terrible." Jordan said morosely.
   "Gladis, maybe-
   "Oh shush, Charles!" she said, "I wasn't done telling Jordy about Loretta."
   "Ma, I think I have to go now-
   "Oh, but you can't go now, Jordy." she said, pouting.
   "Why not?" he and his father said together.
   Gladis' brow knit in consternation for a moment and she eyed them suspiciously, but soon began smiling again.
   "Because, silly, I've invited her over for tea."
   "You..." Jordan blanched, "You invited, Loretta, over for tea?" he croaked.
   "Of course! After the poor dear told me how lonely she'd been lately, and I mentioned you would be over for tea yourself today - she so wants to see you again Jordan dear - I just had to."
   "Ma, I really don't think that was a good idea." he said, suddenly on edge.
   "And why not?" she said, crossing her arms like an upset child.
   "You know I can't be around her Ma, not after what she did." he said, getting up to look out the kitchen window, "When is she supposed to be getting here anyway?"
   "Oh Jordan, you overacted, it was just a little stab wound."
   "Ma, she tried to kill me!"
   "Jordan!" his mother said, shocked.
   "Well she did." his father said.
   "Ma, when is she supposed to arrive?" he hastily asked again.
   "Any minute actually-" and the doorbell rang, "That must be her now! I'll get it!"
Gladis bounced out of her chair and down the hall, cane happily stabbing at the hardwood floor as she went.
   Jordan suddenly felt his knees go weak and he sagged against the kitchen counter.
   "Dad. Dad get me outta here." he begged.
   His father rose from his seat, grabbing his son by the arm. Jordan could feel cold fear sweat dripping down his face.
   "Come on, we'll go by the sliding door out back. You can circle 'round to your car from there."
   They snuck out through the laundry room, his father giving him a hasty hug, watching as Jordan wobbled down the steps to the gravel driveway just as he could hear the two women coming into the kitchen.
   "Charles? Jordan?" Gladis called askance.
   "I'm afraid, ladies," Charles said as he wandered back into the kitchen, "that Jordan suddenly took sick and had to head home."
Written for *simplyprose's Character Prompt: This character has a close relationship with one parent, and a terrible relationship with the other. He or she also has a severe phobia.

Maybe fear of your ex-wife isn't quite a phobia, per-say, but I figured it counts enough to fit.
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:iconeatingmyownfears:
EatingMyOwnFears Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2009
lol poor Jordy hehe. Adore this!! :love:
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
Thank you so much! :hug: I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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:iconeatingmyownfears:
EatingMyOwnFears Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
:hug:
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:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2009
Congrats on the DLD. I enjoyed the naturally flowing dialogue in this piece, as it introduced all of the characters quite well. And you highlighted the darkly comedic aspect -- the absurdity of inviting an attempted murderess (ex-wife or no) over for tea -- perfectly.
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
Thank you so much. :)
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:iconalsoknownasme:
alsoknownasme Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2009
this is so amusing and at the same time makes you feel horrible if you try to put yourself in Jordan's position xD
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2009
Heh, yeah. I'm glad you enjoyed it... sort of, haha...
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:iconqueen-of-insanity:
Queen-of-Insanity Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2009
This was written very well. It may have not been the usual kind of writing style that I enjoy, but I still enjoyed the entirety of the story regardless. :D

I personally think this story has more potential than just being a one-shot. I'd actually like to see you make a continuation of this story if you can. If you could, that'd be really great. :) I loved every one of the characters in this story, though something tells it'll only be the ex-wife that I'll hate. Just a little hunch. :/

Poor Jordan has the most demented mother. Seriously, what's wrong with that woman? :XD:
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2009
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! All the more because it's not what you usually read.

I don't think I'll ever be doing much more to this. I'm terrible at writing anything long without it getting weak, or petering off into nothingness XD

And hey, every family has a lunatic right? :lol:
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:iconqueen-of-insanity:
Queen-of-Insanity Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2009
(I'm SO sorry for the super late reply. :upset: not only was I caught up with other things, I also had a hard time thinking of a good reply to your comment for the longest time.)

So am I! X3

Really? That's a shame. :( Ain't that somethin'? For me, it's the exact opposite in some cases. I do better writing longfics than I do with writing short ones, but I believe both kind of fanfics require an equal amount of creativity, brainpower and basic writing skills to pull off. :D

Ain't that the truth? X3 It's almost like it's hereditary sometimes. :XD:
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:iconissacblast:
IssacBlast Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I am going to find the Latin for that.

Fear of ex-wives.. ridiculous!
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:iconxcgirl:
XCgirl Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2009  Student Photographer
"It was just a little stab wound." OH MY GOSH I COULDN'T BREATHE WHEN I READ THAT LINE!! hilarious!!
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2009
Thank you! =D
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2009
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2009
Thank you so much! :)
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2009
It was our pleasure.
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:icongranitequartz:
GraniteQuartz Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2009
This is really good, I just wanted to keep reading from the word go. Keep at it!
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2009
Thank you so much! :)
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:icongranitequartz:
GraniteQuartz Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2009
you're welcome :)
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:iconsimplyprose:
simplyprose Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009
Extremely well written! It makes me feel like my own family. When you read it; if flows well (the dialog particularly.)

There were a few errors about capitalizationJordan." his mother said sternly It's very nit-picky but it's a good habit to start, quotation marks or no, you must capitalize after every period.

Save for a few minor errors. It was a very entertaining read. I think fear of women counts as a phobia.

... "Oh Jordan, you overacted, it was just a little stab wound."
"Ma, she tried to kill me!"
I adore that line...

~Izbetthequeen
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:iconzelme:
Zelme Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009
I thought this was really funny. I actually would not put Gladis' behavior past some moms I know... thankfully not mine. :P

Gladis bounced out of her chair and down the hall, cane happily stabbing at the hardwood floor as she went. This made me laugh. It's great when you can tell about a character's personality by the way they move. :)

Overall an awesome take on the prompt!
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for the comment. :) I always love knowing that someone liked what I wrote.
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:iconzelme:
Zelme Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009
Sure thing! :)
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:iconpyffd:
pyffd Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009
Dad get me outta here.

I think there should be a comma after 'Dad,' but I'm not much of a writer so I could be wrong. =p

I really like it, though! Good use of prompt.
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009
He's supposed to be saying it quick and breathlessly so it all comes out at once, no audible comma sound. And thank you for the :+fav: my dear. :) I didn't want it to just be another "teenager hates their mom/dad" deal, so I tried thinking a little outside the box, and the age range haha...
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:iconpyffd:
pyffd Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009
Ah! I completely understand now. And I did like the age difference, that he wasn't a teenager. :)
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:iconteeceeoh:
Teeceeoh Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009
There's a phobia for most things, so I'm sure ex-wives are in there somewhere. :lol:
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009
Heh, I'd probably have an ex-wife phobia myself if I had one who'd tried to kill me, too XD
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:iconnosvertu:
Nosvertu Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Just a little stab wound.

I lol'd.
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:iconcosmicspider:
cosmicspider Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2009
:lol: Good!
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